Another door opens

 December started with loss of a vision.  The creaking shut of something we really wanted.  In the midst of it I knew there was mercy and grace.  I knew this because anything He gives or takes away is wrapped in these two things. I read through the entire series of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, all eight books.  Yes, I set down Madeline L'Engle and C.S. Lewis to pick up Jeff Kinney.  It was all I could take in.  After all the heaviness of the season I needed something light and funny, and Jeff Kinney knows both.  I didn't answer my phone and failed to realize that my voice mail stopped working the week before.  Two weeks into December I realized I could handle L'Engle and phone calls again.  I also found out there were thirty-seven unheard messages on a voice mail I thought was empty.

We shared our hearts in those weeks with friends and family.  I wrote a blog post trying to explain and bridge the gap from our hanging on, to our letting go.  To share the brokenness and grace that was involved in both.  When others asked about going somewhere else we explained that we weren't ready for a "rebound" country.  We were at a place of not being sure if we wanted to go anywhere further than our doorstep.

So, when we received the first word of an opening with Young Life Scotland we were hesitant.  We spoke about it carefully and quietly, once the boys were already asleep and doors were shut.  More calls and emails later Jeff came home and spoke of Scottish churches, youth, and seminary.  The picture came into focus of working along side churches in Scotland in an effort to reach disillusioned teens.  We also saw the chance for Jeff to complete his Masters in Divinity while serving.  Fears and doubts did not surface and swarm my thoughts.  And our hearts stayed at peace with the new direction.  We have looked back to what started all of this.  The bigger map with pins stretched back into our separate childhood and teenage years.  Stretched out to our first stumbles into God's grace and love.  Those things have still not changed.

Quiet frankly it reminded us of what we walked through fourteen years before.  Jeff and I struggled through a broken engagement together. From that year, we know a lot about false starts and broken hopes.  We remembered the temptation to run fast in the opposite direction.  To move on and away from the pain and chalk it all up to just getting it wrong.  But instead He kept me in town for student teaching and helped us walk back through all the pain and fear as he restored it.  He rebuilt what we could not.  We live in the knowledge that our story does not end with our fears and missteps.  It ends with His grace.

We continued through the end of December praying, talking, and reading about Scotland.  There is already Young Life in parts of Scotland.  Young Life staff and volunteers in several places doing great work with the youth and churches in those areas. There is a vision to develop some critical new areas in Scotland and our experience with YL start-up seems to fit. After this past season, the thought of working along side others and Jeff continuing seminary feels right.

Jeff leaves on January 27th for ten days in Scotland.  He will go to a leadership retreat during that time to meet the other Scotland Young Life staff.  He will meet with pastors, priests and schools.  He will get pray with YL leadership at the site of a potential new YL camp in Scotland.  This month we also will find out what the revised budget would be and move ahead in what seems to be happening very quickly.  We ask for your prayers as we walk ahead.  We do not understand why it has all happened this way.  But we don't have to understand it all for God to knit it all perfectly into His purposes.  As always, feel free to email us with any questions or encouragement.  Becca:  Stbbecca@aol.com  and Jeff:  jeffstables@gmail.com

Solid Rock

"It is a good thing to have all the props pulled out from under us occasionally.  It gives us some sense of what is rock under our feet, and what is sand." - M. L'Engle                                                          If grades were given out for the last year I would have pulled in a solid D-.  I don't write this to fain humility.  Only to be honest.  After reading through the written account of this journey I need to clear the air before moving on.  The posts hinted at doubt, confusion, and fears but did little to paint the picture of me flailing about like a fish out of water every time we hit a patch of unknown.  Every time.   

It was as if ten years of very carefully applied ministry make up had to be washed off and I could not recognize the person staring back at me from the mirror.  It is hard to capture in words just how terrifying it is to not be the person you thought you were when the waves come.  The props get pulled down and sand washes away. I was sure much more rock would have been left behind. It is unnerving to stand on the small square of stone left, when you thought there would be a mountain. 

But here is the amazing part.  The part that has plastered a silly smile on my make-up free face.  Even if I had pulled in  solid A-'s and gone through less tissues and late night purge sessions with Jeff, God's love remains the same.  His character remains true even when mine does not.  He promises to provide and protect and guide even if I get helplessly lost during parts of the journey.  The grade book is thrown out, and I am resting in His grace.  Under His grace I get an A.  Undeserved and by His hands not mine.  In that, there is so much freedom.  There is freedom to stop striving for what I thought He had for us.  There is freedom in knowing it is not all about our little family of five anyway.  There is freedom in knowing He loved me before the ten years of ministry and He loves me now. And that His plan is still so much bigger than anything I could dream of.

What the last few weeks have shown me is that He is faithful to wash out the sand and slowly replace it with rock.  He is faithful to take away white knuckled dreams and give us what is better than any desire or sacrifice.  He gives Himself.  We have had beautiful talks with the boys, family, and friends over what is next.  We are excited and resting in what seems to be lining up.  The hushed talks after dinner are not filled with fear, doubt, or striving but with humble expectation.  

There is great mercy in doors closing.  And sweet freedom in realizing He wants every ounce of our hearts rather than straight A's.  There is Joy in finding solid rock and knowing no amount of waves will wash it away.  We continue to paddle forward as a family and we can't wait to share with you what is next on this wild ride.  

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we boast in the hope of the glory of God."  Romans 5:1&2

When a door closes

The door has officially closed for our family to move to Basque, Spain.  For weeks we have held the news close to us.  We spoke to few and tried to process where we are now.   I would sit down to write an update and instead start reading one of the sixty one posts that became pinpoints on a map for us in this journey.  The pins seemed to stretch out from the safe harbor and lead us to open sea.  Basque, Spain being our destination, 25%, 37%, 63% of the way there.  The mailings, dinners, phone calls and sharing of our hearts.  The Spanish words tapped through out the house.  My favorite one, interruptor de luz.  Light switch= interrupter of the light.  In Spain, I thought, we will not turn off the lights.  The light will just be interrupted until morning.  We spoke at churches, had an amazing banquet, there was even an article in the newspaper.  It is still clipped and pressed between a Basque history book and a Spanish book.  We walked our boys through "I don't want to go", to willingness.  Dreaming and planning.  Funding stayed painfully slow.  Those who gave, gave out of sacrifice and love.  For a long time it seemed we stood before a door cracked open.  And what laid on the other side was something we wanted.  We felt called to.  Called out of fears and doubts to step into something so much bigger than our little family.  

The truth is, we knew God could fling wide the doors.  Many things were talked about to make it work.  Jeff ended with Culpeper Young Life and went back to building.  We went off insurance and I bought probiotics and checked out a book on immunity.  We could have waited longer.  We could have and we would have.  You can almost get comfortable in the quiet place of wait.  You get use to the unknowns.  A red pin stuck in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.  But one night staring at the map of these last two years, how far we have come, where the last push pin rests, we knew it was time.  Phone calls to future bosses and mentors confirmed our hearts.  And we grieved.  It was painful and confusing and humbling.

That same night, I told Jeff that I didn't want our boys to see that this humbling place is the result of taking a big step of faith.  How do we explain to others the many variables that all slowly showed it was time to stop pushing forward.  I had thought  that the next blog post was to be of triumph and visas ordered.  The written account of funding reached and us thrilled to finally go.  It can't be this...this redirecting when we are already out to sea and ready to be on shore. Any shore. 

Last week I took Ian to the lake where I collect supplies for my terrariums.

Ian helps me gather the moss and fern each month.  We love our time together exploring the woods and hills with my cake pan and a small shovel.  Each time he holds the treasured mounds of green life so carefully.  His role to to help me find it and hold the the tin as we move along.  When we get back to van he always looks at the pile in amazement.  Always surprised at what we gathered.  "I helped you again mom."  he pipes, and I answer, "Yes you did!  We did it together."  And then he hands me the tin, heavy with broken earth and moss.  With a big proud grin he hands it over because he knows I will make something beautiful with all of it.  He is okay with his small role and he trusts me to do the rest.

The last time we went I took this picture.  Looking at it, I know our story is not over.  It can't be, we are still out in the middle of the ocean.  But I know what we give to God, even when it is painful and humbling or even down right confusing, He will make something beautiful out of it.  We all play small roles in seeking, gathering, and sharing.  He does the creating.  The making new of what is broken.  And there is something incredibly hopeful in that process.

We would love your continued prayers as we seek what is next for our family.  We are still open to Young Life international placement.  For now, Jeff continues to build and remodel, and our family continues to celebrate the majesty of life, and His unknown plans, here in the middle of the ocean.  If you see us in public ask Jeff not me, I still cry and blubber through the story.  If you have given to Young Life Basque, Spain and have not received an e-mail on giving and receiving options please let me know (StbBecca@aol.com) and I will send you information on how to have money returned, redirected, or to simply stay in the YL account until future plans become clear.  I will continue to write and update friends and family through the blog and Jeff will update through e-mail.  Thank you for all the love and support.  We are grateful we are not walking alone.

FAQ about Team Stables in Basque, Spain

Q:  Where is Basque?
A:  Basque is partly in Spain and partly in France.  We will be in the North West part of Spain.  The Pyrenees Mountains, Bay of Biscay, and France will all be within a short drive away.

Q:  When will you guys go?  (this is after they comment that they thought we had already left, or thought we were suppose to leave this summer)
A:  As soon as we raise a very BIG budget to move and live for three years in Basque, Spain.

Q:  Why is the budget so big?
A:  Basque, Spain is one of the most expensive places to live in Spain.  The town where most of the foundation has been laid for work is one of the most expensive cities in Basque.  Example being a three bedroom, 950 sq ft apartment without a view could easily go for $2,000 a month in rent, unfurnished.  Travel for training, language school, and insurance/expat taxes are also a part of the budget....this answer is really much longer but that is the short reply.

Q:  Are the boys excited?
A:  It depends on which one you ask.  Luke is very nervous to leave all he has known and learn two new languages.  Levi is excited about everything.  Ian just asks "What's Spain?"

Q:  Will the boys do public, private/international, or be home schooled?
A:  We are still praying about this.  The public schools are taught in Euskara and Spanish only.  Ian may do this but Luke and Levi have missed the window in age and ability to pick up a new language as easily.  Home Schooling is illegal.  Expats are allowed with permission, but our hope is that we all integrate in the Basque Country fully.  For the two older boys we are considering a government subsidized private school that offers some English or an American School that may change the location of the city we start up in.

Q:  What will you be doing there?
A:  Jeff and I will be doing full time language school for the first six months and then work with the schools and communities to develop Basque leadership for Young Life outreach and discipleship  in the Basque Country.

Q:  Will you sell your house?
A:  We are hoping to rent our house, but praying about it.

Q:  How long will you stay?
A:  We are raising the first three years before we go.  We are staying a minimum of three years or until Basque leadership is in place and the area is stable.

That usually covers it unless they want to know about the surfing scene, foodie scene, or have us explain again why it is so much money.  We love to answer questions.  We are never annoyed and only sometimes discouraged when they come on the heels of "I thought you guys left already".  Please feel free to ask us any new questions or have go into more detail with any of these answers!
Jeff's email address:  jeffstables@gmail.com
Becca's email address:  STBbecca@aol.com

REST

"For awhile the hobbits continued to talk and think of the past journey and of the perils that lay ahead; but such was the virtue of the land of  Rivendell that soon all fear and anxiety was lifted from their minds.  The future, good or ill, was not forgotten, but ceased to have power over the present.  Health and hope grew strong in them, and they were content with each day as it came, taking pleasure in every meal, and in every word and song."  J.R.R. Tolkien

Ian is at the nap skipping age.  He may drop it all together by Winter.  Most days he looks more like the pictures shown here by one o'clock instead of the sleepy eyed yawning child I had a month ago.  The one that asked if it was time yet to cuddle and read has now become a ninja as soon as I say the word rest.  The problem is that come six o'clock when we are all sitting at the table to eat he is a WRECK.  A complete train wreck crashing into our talk about the day as we pass the green beans.

And so for now I am trying my best at one thirty each day to make this wild blue eyed ninja stop a bit and rest that blond head of his. He doesn't know what will come at six o'clock.  He is unaware that the energy will fade and the sun will set before he can keep his heart happy and words sweet.  But I do.

So this season can feel like an enforced rest time for Jeff and I.  We were in go mode for the last ten years.  Filling too much into every hour of every day.  Living and pouring out fully.  Feeling the blessing and the exhaustion of it all.  We were ready to go from "go-time" to "go-harder" mode transitioning to Young Life International.

That didn't happen and while we continue to raise support steadily and slowly we are entering into a very different season.  Since marrying Jeff twelve years ago we have yet to have family dinners every night together until now.  Everything from pumpkin patches to birthday parties or dates were book-ended by ministry.  And now they aren't.  Jeff works hard from eight to six and then we are all together.  And it feels wonderful and strange all at the same time.

We are now just under 70%.  There are many ways the pie can be sliced when figuring out where we are and how far we still need to go.  The budget trimmed and new partners giving has us typing in new numbers to data base with prayers on our lips.  I don't think we have yet to get to the percentage we had hoped any of those times.  This time we were hoping to reach 75% by October 31st and we are just under 70%. I am finally starting to be grateful for this time that I had fought against for so long.  To rest in His timing not just with my words but in my heart also.  Enjoying the evening together and the work that has come in for Jeff.  Thankful that we have gotten to walk through humbling lessons here with friends and family beside us and not an ocean away.  And resting in the knowledge that He knows what the next years hold and we do not.  Trusting Him in the resting at one o'clock in preparation for the six o'clock.  Thank you for all the encouraging and supportive words as we continue to walk this out one percentage at a time.

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work."  

2 Corinthians 9:8

And...SMILE

We decided to save money on school pictures this year and take them ourselves.  Luke was easy to convince.  All I had to do was point out that the  forest backdrops were fake and he was ready.  Levi was trickier.  After explaining prices and how much we could save he was finally swayed by me telling him Ian  could be in the ones we take.  The three brothers together.  That did it, he was in.  Done and done.

Sunday afternoon the plan went into action.  I have three incredibly talented friends who do photography.  One of my dearest ones took this family picture two summers ago.  I remember sweating, itching, and threatening the boys through clenched smile.  The picture ended up like this: 

Instead of realizing she is incredibly talented I set out with false, very false confidence.

We ended up in Fredericksburg at the train station.  Three freight trains and one passenger train later we made our way to some cool looking buildings we had seen from the platform.

Noticing I had forgotten step one in having them wear something nice, unstained, and matching I positioned them anyway.

Thirty minutes later I had over forty shots and not one to mail out.  I also promised myself to buy the over priced, fake backdrop school pictures this Spring.  Until then, here are my three boys in all their glory...

Luke and Levi were up first.  After the first few shots I gently explained that Stables' boys are strong and sturdy and that all people can get this thing called a double chin in a picture.  "Lift your chin up a bit and smile."   I lost them at double chin.  They were thrilled to find out they could make them at any time.

 Forget the older boys I thought, lets try all three.  Less control, just let them be together and be natural.  Natural  is Ian shoving a stick in Luke's ear and jumping down ten times to pick flowers.  We did all laugh a lot and I have some great memories captured that do not have one ounce of fake in them.

The mighty mushroom

"Restlessness and impatience changes nothing but our peace and joy.  Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands."  -Elizabeth Elliot

Mushrooms don't grow incredibly fast.  The only part we get to see in a mushrooms life cycle is fast.  One evening the grass is spotless, the next morning there are small white mushrooms dotting the lawn.  It is easy to assume it all happened in one night.  It is amazing what you can learn from a curious eight year old.

What we see above ground does happen extraordinarily fast.  But, we see only the "fruiting body" of the organism.  We did not see the weeks and even months of the stem soaking up nutrients, dividing, and pushing upwards.  It happened in the dark so that when it did divide and the white cap pushed through the ground all it had to do was expand.  All the hard work was done.  All the real growth had already happened.

  I came into last year thinking it would sail by quickly.  That once we stepped away from what we were doing here and were willing to step into the something new everything would just fall into place.  I was pretty sure we would be the family they asked to come speak at future Young Life International conferences.  Standing up front as a smiling family with the boys not fidgeting or picking their noses.  Encouraging others that they too could raise support in six months.  I was also certain we would be standing on Basque soil this summer boldly loving others in Christ and learning Spanish as we ate pintxos.  There were moments this year when I felt like we might take the longest to raise support in YL international history. We have come a tremendously long way.  We have raised support slowly and steadily for an entire year.  The names and faces of everyone who has given humbles me.  I know many times my faith has not matched the generosity.  I know the giving was done in love and support.  As the months passed and kids got sick, when asking God  how much longer, and having Jeff go through plans a, b, and c when timelines shifted.

We only have 36% more to go.  It seems a small percent, but it represents a big number that has us on hold.   I know from running that I always falter at the end.  Not at the start of the run or even the middle with side cramps and weary legs.  It is the end when I just want it to be over with.  When I want to show I really can move gracefully with one foot in front of the other, just not in this way anymore.  I am ready to finish the run and see the light. The 36% more is telling us a little more has to happen in the unseen.  A little more preparation underground.  A few more laps around the field.

Jeff is now off Culpeper Young Life staff as of two weeks ago.  For the first time in our marriage we are both home every night eating dinners together.  He is working full time picking up remodeling jobs and doing estimates as we try to tag team raising support.  The health insurance grace period ends in November.  More decisions to make as we press forward.  Jeff is running the race way more gracefully than I am right now.  Carrying the bulk of it all on his broad shoulders.  we are trusting God for provision and timing.  Asking for endurance, to finish the race set before us.

We are hoping to raise 75% by the end of October.  That equals 11% in six weeks.  Or three people willing to give $100 a month and twelve more people willing to give $50 a month. Please pray for us as we move forward in faith and try not to dwell on outward things, but trust in the God of the unseen.