Monday, October 26, 2015

Update: October 26th 2015

Two days ago a plane landed in Edinburgh, Scotland with five empty seats.  And today, after a two week October holiday Wormit Primary and Madras had three empty seats.  This week 2 The Beehives will be packed up quietly as we try to explain to three boys that life is about to change again.  That we are staying longer and we don't know how much longer.  And because of all the unknowns, life in Scotland needs to be packed up.  There is no way to explain in typed out words.  Even face to face I could not possibly bridge the canyon of how far our hearts have traveled these past few weeks.  Scotland was home.  Luke and Levi both put it well when they say the past 16 months hold the most amazing and hardest part of their lives so far.  We really believed we could board that plane.  We really thought it was possible to go back to life there and not here.

When we landed, Jeff was seen by doctors at UVA.  We had appointment after appointment, going through everything again.  Diagnosis, scans, blood work, bad news.  You would think after three times we would be ready for it.  London Clinic, Ninewells, and now UVA.  We weren't.  This cancer has decided to leave the soft tissue alone for now and further attack Jeff's spine.  Numerous lesions were pointed out, along with spreading to the ribs.  Second line chemotherapy was mentioned, and radiation on the worst lesion was scheduled.  Jeff struggled with new pain medicines and radiation and lost more weight.  His voice became raspy and weak and he struggled to cough well enough to ever clear anything.  We limped through the days as Ian counted how many more days until we could go home.  When we met with the doctor last week, it was to tell him that Jeff decided to not have anymore more chemo treatments.  Dr. Hall let us know he agreed and that it was time to begin hospice services.   Papers and numbers were given by a nurse with sad eyes and a quiet voice.  We had another talk with the boys.  We explained as best we could.  Levi asked if we could stop having family meetings for awhile.  We cried, talked, tried to answer questions about Zoe, school, friends, the house, and where we would live now.  I think back to the first talk with the boys, 9 months ago, and realize how much we have tried to shelter them from this hard climb.  But we are weak legged and tired.  And from this viewpoint they know too much to be sheltered in the same ways. We read the story of Jesus asleep in the boat during a storm.  How the disciples woke him up terrified they would perish in the waves.  And with two words the storm stopped and they were saved.  "Be still."  The wind and waves were stopped by two words spoken by the son of God.  We prayed as a family for Jesus to wake up, to still the storm, to guide us safely to the other side.  We prayed for the boys as they fell asleep still crying.  The next day we decided to run away to a beach.  We would find sand to dig our toes in and waves to ride and promised Levi there would be no family meetings at the beach.

So here we are in NC, with a few friends helping out and loving on us while we feel a little freedom to not be okay, and to grieve what we have lost so far.  And help us as we figure out how to have tender hearts as we move forward.  To remember how to thank Him for what is still given and not fixate on what has been taken.
We will stay here until Saturday and then we will move in with Jeff's mom near Harrisonburg, VA.  This will also allow us to be closer to the rest of his family.  We will sign more papers and close out all that we hold dear in Scotland and try to begin again.  I will home school the boys for the remainder of this year and sign up for online classes to get ready to teach art in the Fall.

Lately the boys and I have talked a lot more about my dad.  How going to heaven is the number one, best thing that can happen to a person.  The race finished, the tears and pain gone, the aches and heart holes finally answered and filled.  To meet the one who made you face to face and be at peace with all else.  We have talked about how healing is the second best thing.  And I really believe that with my whole heart.  That Jeff will find complete freedom heaven side.  That he will no longer have to walk with weak legs and a heavy heart. But I also  pray every night for the second best to be given.  That Jeff would be healed.  That somehow the cancer would retreat and healthy tissue and bone would grow into the voids left by disease.  That we would get to keep walking together as a family in this world.  That his voice would become clear and strong again.  That his lion heart could continue to teach and lead.  That the story of the five of us together is not over yet.

I will end this post with what we are thankful for.  Because today feels too hard, the losses feel too great,  and if I end with this maybe the sting of loss will turn into a heart of thanks.

I am thankful for a husband that loves me, that he is and always has been a gentle father to the boys, I am thankful for my own father who led me gently in truth and love, for a mom with a big heart and the energy of ten moms, for aunts and uncles that love us and the boys so well, for grandparents that show up and continue to give even if they are tired, for the houses we have called home these last few weeks (Ian falls asleep so often asking, "why do I feel so rich?", for a Levi to remind us that everyday is the greatest day ever (or could become that if it starts off rough), for a Luke who shares such deep wells of truth when I least expect it, for a car to drive and that I can drive legally!  For friends that keep sending messages and words of love when I am hiding, for all the words of hope and truth given, songs written, and prayers said daily for our little family, for the hope that others are walking in for us when it hurts to much to hold on to it ourselves,  for the friends and schools in Scotland that loved us so very well,  for the health of the boys as we transition and settle, for friends who are willing to watch Zoe in Scotland and pack up things on that end, for medical leave that still allows Jeff to be paid, for a boss with a heart that is so big and a willingness to help in anyway, for paid flights and luggage, and a beach house to stay in that we would never have been able to afford, for toes in the sand this week and for sunrises and cups of coffee over donuts, for early morning and late night hot tub dips, for birds that start to sing just before the sun rises, they sing in those last dark minutes, knowing it will rise....I could go on and on.  We are broken but blessed.  Thank you for standing with us.
Much love, Team Stables

P.S.
Jeff would still love to see friends, we know the crazy arrival and settling with UVA appointments took away much of the time he had hoped to spend with others.  His voice is still very weak, it is hard for him to project or talk for long so we will be in touch with when and how visits should happen.  He is eating well again and coughing less.  we are all sleeping well.  The pain is being managed and he is getting out each day.  Please message or email knowing it make take a few days for me to get back to you.  We are still sorting out phones so email is the best form of communication right now.

22 comments:

  1. May the flood of ridiculous and illogical peace and joy flood over you all, even as we all stand in prayerful agreement that the healing of Isiaiah 53:4-5 is yours. Daily prayers flow from north Roanoke. Thank you for sharing this storm and opening your hearts to prayers from your brothers and sisters in Christ. ~Melissa (Delcour) Eckstein

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  2. "All their life in this world and all their adventures had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read:which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before." CS Lewis The Last Battle. Becca we pray that you and Jeff and the boys story continues for a long time while we all look forward to The Great Story!

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  3. Thank you. May the second best thing happen first.

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  4. You are an awesome family. Continuing to pray for a miracle.

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  5. You don't know me but I pray tonight (I am a friend of John Macintosh-Brown here in Glasgow), praying for you all as family and for your precious boys especially. God undertake where we can't. You guys are so loved. Lynn A

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  6. I sit here with a lump in my throat, tears in my eyes, and sadness in my heart as I read your post. Your beautiful family is in my thoughts often during the day and I sometimes awake thru the night to find you on my mind, so I pray. I will continue to pray for each of you. For comfort. For relief from physical pain for Jeff. For relief from emotional pain for all of you. For direction as you make so many transitions. For the kind of peace that only comes from our Lord and Savior. And ultimately for Jeff to be granted that second best thing....healing. Know that your family is loved. Even by those of us who didn't get to know you as well as we would have liked to (I mentioned this in my earlier post awhile ago...our kids went to EHES together.), but feel like we know you better just through reading your heartfelt posts. Thank you for sharing your heart which allows so many of us to lift your family in prayer. I hope and pray that you feel the love and prayers of so many around the world.

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  7. Stables family,
    We have been following your journey and praying for you guys along the way. Jeff, I know you don't know me but your wife was a dear friend in high school. Although it's probably been difficult to share all that you are going through, it's blessed us to be able to witness how you've handled it with so much grace. We love you guys. You're in our hearts, prayers and thoughts. Love, Nate, Elicia, Gabe, Liam and Isaac Dunk

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  8. We are praying from California now and believing for the best God has for you all. We love you. Gary and Collette

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  9. Dearest Becca....how glad I am that we saw you at Graves Mountain. To have a face to face with you, to see the boys and their smiles and movements that are so full of life. To know your plans and to be able to pray for you all with specific words. Not looking behind you towards a history that cannot be changed or speculating on an unknown future.....you will now live in the present, perhaps more joyously than most because every moment is truly a tangible gift! Our love extends across the miles to you and the family now and as it always has! May the salty air mix with salty tears and restore you all!

    John and Debbie Schaffer

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  10. Becca, you don't know me, but my husband and I crossed paths with Jeff from time to time while we worked in youth ministry in the Culpeper area. Thank you for how honestly you share your struggle. It must be so difficult at times to put your family's "hard" into words, and yet God speaks through you in the beautiful broken. My heart breaks anew for all of you every time I read another update. My husband and I spent the evening praying for all of you. I know so many are praying for you, and I pray God will give you an amazing awareness of all those prayers breathed into eternity, wrapped around you and Jeff and your boys. If there is anything we can do for you all, please let us know. We live just over the mountain in Madison County and would be happy to help. -- Dena Warren

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  11. Jeff im praying for You and Your Family, and im just praying for miracle that would just heal you completely, Jefff you been a big blessing to and we love you very much.

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  12. Dear Becca, You are such an amazing woman of God. In sorrow and with tears, I am reading your update about Your struggles, hurts, and life's lessons you are sharing with you boys. Your strength and faith in our Lord is so amazing, and Jeff is so blessed to have you in his life. I too pray for a miracle of healing for Jeff and pray for this precious time with your family. In his love, Alisa's (fluffy's) mom, barbara

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  13. Becca and Jeff (and kiddos)
    You all have been in my prayers. I love you both very much. -Cassie Fors-

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  14. Becca you and Jeff and the boys came into Fife with such love light and laughter. You were here such a short time but the love you have left will stay here forever. I have never met a family with such love to share. Josh calls you all his Royal Family, he said your family is just the best family he has ever met.
    I have a shell some blue glass and a heart shaped stone off the beach in my car to remind me of you all and tell your Mum I have used only one of her dish clothes she knitted, the other I will keep forever. God bless you all every day and every night. Dont worry about all your special things you have left here I will go and help Ruth pack them up and send them to you so you will have your little bit of Scotland over there too. Love Always Jul xxx

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  15. Jeff and Becca
    Susan & I had the privilege of being at Cairn Brae in July and watched the first camper get off the first bus at the beginning of the first week. Jeff, you know our son Tom from your VA Staff days and he adores you....a very manly sentiment but very true. My absolutely best memory above all during that week was meeting YOU and the following morning, getting a glimpse of your tender and humble heart when you began your drive out of camp en route back to St. Andrews but stopped long enough, rolled down your window which was conveniently on the right side of your car, and uttered these simple words to 2 folks you hardly knew: "tell Tommy I love him." I learned all I needed to know about you in those precious few seconds. Peace to your entire family. Tom Sr. & Susan Rockwood

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  16. I'm continuing to pray for the second best thing! My love to your family and continued prayers for God's peace to buffer you.
    Love, Stacey Cooprider

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  17. What rich blessings in your list of "thankfuls!" Thanks for sharing; this is truly a testimony of God's goodness.

    "And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." -Eph. 5:2

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  18. Even as you walk in the valley of the shadow, you continue to be testimony of God's grace, thank you.To go where you have been called and to stay when you must stay and to be authentic in both places continues to make an impact for Christ on the lives of those who know you, even from afar. I'm so blessed by the impact you have made on my daughter as she see's Christ work in and through your sweet family for His Kingdom and His glory even in the hard.
    Grace and peace to each one of you! We are lifting you up in prayer.
    Mia's mom

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  19. Dear Stables,

    I've never met you but started following your story a few months ago when Jason & Elissa asked their supporters to pray. Since then I have prayed for you and cried for you. I can't imagine the weight of your pain, and I hate how this world can be such a heartbreaking place to live. As I cried out for you, I found great comfort in Jesus' words, "you do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand" (John 13:7) I'm reminded that I can trust the heart of our loving Father. Keep pressing into Him! You'll make it through this!

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  20. This is so beautiful. I remember meeting Jeff in college and being amazed by how gentle, kind and funny he was/is. His heart for the Lord encouraged so many and your hearts as a family encourage so many now. We are praying for the Stables and know God is at work on his story.

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  21. As a parent of two Culpeper YL kids please know you are all in our prayers. Praying for peace and wisdom and serenity and whatever else you need. The Lord knows.

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  22. Hi Becca, Thanks for your amazing posts. You're truly an amazing woman of God in the midst of this. We're still praying for you all. Today I was talking to Olav Darge, the deputy H/Teacher of Madras and he sends you all his love and greetings. Pray that you'll know the Lord's sustaining hands in these very difficult days. Blessings Al Cuthbert

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