We are blessed to be a blessing

People ask often why we are not just storing everything.  The truth is, our storage options are limited and we don't feel the need to hold on what life looked like before moving to Scotland.  We know when we get back years from now, everything else will have changed. 

So far the emptying of the house has not been too hard.  It has not been fun seeing how much I crammed in a closet or what I have needlessly held onto for years.  But the sorting through and letting go of everything is quite freeing.  Almost everything in our house was given or handed down to us in the first place. We will take one or two suitcases and carry-on each.  We know that half of those will be filled with clothes, bedding, and towels.  The other half will be for items of the heart.  And for each of us that looks different.  I am sure Luke's will be filled with books and Levi's crammed with Legos.

The first boxes I filled to give away were done quickly.  Filled with nick knacks,  books we had read, and clothing outgrown. Easy.  But this last week I filled up the boxes slowly and deliberately.  One was filled with most of my blue glass collection I started in college.  Another with candle sticks and platters from our wedding, and mugs and plates the boys first drank and ate out of.  The two prints that have hung in every home got placed in a box and removed at least twice before the final box got taken.  My favortite blue pot is still sitting on my door step.  I am waiting for the daffodils to bloom one last time for us before giving it to a friend.  And the pile of what we will take or store is getting smaller with every box I deliver to a friend, a thrift store, or consignment shop.

It is funny how the things you have amassed and enjoyed for years can become just things.  Still meaningful, but also replaceable.  When you only have a suitcase to carry with you, you choose the few things that can't be replaced.  I think of how much time I have spent organizing and corralling all the stuff in our life.  How so much of it was not used daily.  

And it feels great to let it go.  One of my favorite sayings is an African proverb we heard at the first Young Life international meeting we went to.  It was over seven years ago and we snuck in because we were curious. At the end a man stood up and with a heavy accent shared "We are blessed to be a blessing."  He spoke about how blessed Americans were, how much we had been given.  And he encouraged us to pass it on.  To not hold on to it all.  I keep replaying that in my head as I pack another box.  It is in the giving this month, that I see how blessed we are.

For those who are curious, we hope to rent a furnished apartment or house in Scotland.  There seem to be many options for renting furnished.  If we are unable to rent furnished there are many "Charity shops" that have been described as really nice thrift shops.  Thank you for your prayers as we near the move date.  We are close to being fully funded and are still pressing ahead in the last bit to be raised.  It will be wonderful to take one more ball out of our juggling act.  The boys are ready to finish the school year well and have more time with family and friends.  If you find a box of random things on your doorstep, know that we are just passing it on.

A week of toliets and stamps

Within forty-eight hours of writing the last post I was a grumbling, complaining, mess.  Compared with the week before, my to do list was small.  Very small.  Two things written in all caps.
1.  GET IAN TO POOP IN THE POTTY
2.  SEND OUT THE LAST MAILING FOR FUNDRAISING

 Easy, I thought.  I set aside a full day for the potty issue and another three days for fundraising.

Twenty-four hours into the first item I knew I was in trouble.  I felt my grateful heart getting replaced with a nagging question of why God would give me such a strong willed child with an irrational fear of the toilet.   I will spare you the full details.  But, I will let you know that potty training, suppositories, and bounce houses do not go together...ever.  By day three of the longest days of Ian and I's life, something clicked.  Within hours all was well in the Stables household again.  Ian is fully potty trained and is already giggling about how he use to be afraid of the potty.  I am not giggling yet, but grateful for friends and a sister who reminded me that no parent can escape the humbling lesson of what we can and can't control.

Number two on the list started out a lot better.  Neat piles of letters and envelopes were stacked ready to be written in, addressed and stamped.  I sat down with Ian beside me writing his own letters.  Even the most right brained person can be left sided for a day, right?  Trying to accomplish anything left brained seemed impossible with Ian asking me to read every word he wrote.  Words that consists of 8 consonants and one vowel. By the fifteenth word, I began making up the words. He would stop me mid word saying, but there was no L in that word.  The movie Frozen once again got turned on as I licked envelopes.  The mailing is almost done.  Two days later than I wanted and with less efficiency.  Oh to be a Young Life wife who is gifted in administrative details.  

And so the week of eating humble pie and completing only two tasks is coming to a close.  And I know the lessons that get wrapped up in the hard weeks are as important as the weeks that are joyful and productive.  The days that go by slowly with wheels grinding are the ones where I am focused on me and what I can or can't do.  The days that sing a thankful melody are ones focused on God and others.  They are the same days that I notice what is overflowing instead of what is lacking.  The truth is even on the most productive day I will always be found lacking.  And so I end a grumbling week with a deeper knowledge that His grace will  be overflowing.

A scattered brain and a thankful heart

I haven't written much lately.  My thoughts get scattered and then fixed on many small details.  Thoughts form and flutter never fully landing and completing.  With three boys it can feel like picking up bowling pins all day only to have one of them yell STRIKE just as I set the last pin in place.  

Today will be a late opening followed by their last dentist appointment before moving.  I will then take them to school and Ian home to play with legos while I paint the stairs.  Two dear friends will stop by, one to go through a talk she will give for Young Life club, and the other for dinner and dessert.  After a long talk at the table we will hug goodbye and I will make sure homework is done and teeth are brushed.  I will sit beside a boy deep in thought and read a chapter of Wind in the Door by  Madeline L'Engle.  And once the boys are asleep Jeff and I will sit down with the new budget and rejoice that three more people have pledged this week and talk about how the next 13% will be raised.  How to finish our punch list to rent the house and sell the van and truck, and what jobs Jeff has lined up for the week.  

It can feel overwhelming looking at the to-dos for the next two months.  I have had the chance to see many close friends move; in state and out of country.  Not one of them pretended that it was easy, graceful, or without stress.  All had the frantic last days of chaos and goodbyes.  All lived through it and adjusted within the next year.  One of them reminded me to look at what we have accomplished each week instead of what is left to be done.  Man, that helps.  Two bedrooms painted, passports for the boys, visas started.  E-mails were sent out, the window boxes painted in basement., and a load was taken to consign. A new kitchen faucet was put in, the entire acre raked and seeded, and a shed cleaned out.  Just typing it out makes me feel like we will not be swallowed up by the lists and that we are making progress.  I always remind friends here that a lot can happen in a year.  I think I will start changing that to a lot can happen in a week!

But I anticipated the long to-dos lists and late nights.  What I did not expect in this season is the complete sappiness that can ooze out when least expected.  Visiting my dad in the hospital last week I was overwhelmed with how incredibly proud I feel to have them as my parents.  To witness the grace in which they have approached these last months.  To see how they genuinely care about each nurse that came in to check stats.  To see how we are still the loudest hospital room on the hall.  There is always more laughter than tears.  My dad, mom, sister, and I loved our time together, remembering, hoping, and planing for what was next.  For that week I was crushed by gratitude.  Grateful for the parents and family I was given, undeserved, and fully blessed with.  I couldn't even watch Frozen without sniffing and dabbing and thinking about how much braver I am because of my big sister.

On Sunday a row of leaders for YL sits in front of us in church.  I listened to the sermon, Ian carefully tracing letters next to me.  And I got misty eyed remembering how I met each one.  How each, including myself has changed because of the friendship, the shared journey.   And I wonder if I will feel like this big pile of scattered mush until we leave.  It certainly doesn't help me be productive or let me feel put together in the transition.  But I would gladly hand back the appearance of order and restraint for the knowledge of His blessings.  It floods into my scattered thoughts and brings peace each time.  To be crushed by the weight of all we have been given is a beautiful way to ache.  The God in Scotland will be the same God who provided such amazing family and friends here in America.  

So the to do lists are scribbled out and pinned up.  Crossed out one by one with a thick, black line.  Small celebrations entail when a bigger item gets crossed out.    But in the midst of the lists and bowling pins getting knocked every direction, stands a grateful teary eyed child of God.  Thanks for the prayers, encouragement, and love!  I will be back to writing each week, whether the pins are set or not!

What the past six months have taught me

Letting go of something you really want and really worked hard for is incredibly painful and confusing.  Holding hands empty and open is humbling.  It is also the best thing we can do before a God we can trust.  Empty hands are hands that can be filled.

It is best just to get the school photos even if they have the fake backdrops and cost too much.  And, never tell a 10 and 8 year old boy what a double chin is while trying to photograph them. 

  Wonder is not just for kids.  A friend, Ian, and I decided to go past the park boundaries one day this Fall.  We found an old abandoned silo and became awe struck after crawling inside and looking up.  There is nothing better for a child or adult than to explore and discover.

A lot of times I want life to look like clean boots lined up in the sun.  The photo perfect days.  The truth is, after a hike in the woods it looks more like a pile of muddy chaos.  We would miss so much if things stayed in order and clean.  To embrace the messy moments and take a picture of the rare clean ones.

Family has always been a huge part of our life.  Full of love and support.  We have been loved, filled up, and built up in the last six months.  It is hard to think about the goodbyes just around the corner.  But it is exciting to think of the adventures to come when they visit us in Scotland!

Jeff is an amazing man, husband and father.  I knew all of this before, but after this season I am know I am unbelievably blessed by his love and leadership. Can't imagine being on this adventure with anyone else!

Break out the Wellies

It is time to break out the wellies.  We are moving to NE Fife, Scotland in four short months.  Jeff and I's engagement was only four months.  We got engaged in February and were saying I do on June 9th.  Just one week after finishing my first year of teaching art.  I remember people asking why we couldn't wait until July or August.  Why in the world would we try to plan the most important day of our lives in four short months.  I would smile thinking that we had two monumental years  before, the waiting, the hoping, the crying, and broken pieces of it all.  And after two years of that we were not about wait a single month longer than we needed.  A simple wedding was planned, for an amazing love story. 

So here we are again my friends.  Two years of waiting, praying, inching forward, broken pieces of a plan we thought would unfold in a certain way.  In the middle of an ocean we were redirected in His grace to Scotland.  We are planning on moving in early June.  Just after the older boys finish school and the house is emptied and rented.  We will each take two suitcases and a carry on.  Knowing how I am with goodbyes I will laugh and cry my way through all of this.  What a painful blessing to love friends and family so deeply and  then fly across and ocean to live.

We are so incredibly excited.  It hard to capture in words how much we feel this is the right place for us.  How much peace we have had after such a long surrendering of wills.  The people Jeff has met in Fife have been incredibly supportive and are excited to welcome our family and be a part of this next chapter.

The revised budget is in also.  We are thrilled to know that we are so very close to being fully funded.  We are hoping the remaining comes in full in the next month or two.    Then we will be able to focus on all the things that need to happen to launch a family of five overseas.

Four months seems a bit crazy to make it all happen.  But after two years, it almost feels too long to wait!  If you would like to be put onto Jeff more informative e-mail list or help in anyway please contact him: jeffstables@gmail.com

I will continue to ramble on through the blog. Thanks for staying with us through the journey.  We can't wait to share the next part with you!

St. Andrews, Fife

Jeff has been in Scotland for five and a half days.  We are half way there to hugging him and all asking questions a mile a minute as bags are unloaded and unpacked.  I am sure it will take weeks for all the stories to tumble out.  Weeks to really get a clearer picture of all the people he has met and places he saw.  Until then, he is sending emails filled with pictures.  The Subway in St. Andrews, the oldest tree in Scotland, a seal swimming in the surf, the coffee house where Harry Potter was written, even the first steam locomotive ever invented.  They are taken and sent knowing what his three boys would love to see.  The phone call filled with descriptions of the people he has met.  The people we will serve and live beside.  He knows what my heart needs to hear also.  He said it has been the rainiest winter in a long time.  The pictures are filled with washes of grey in the background.  All the colors of the building muted by the skies.
     The boys and I have stayed busy sledding, and drawing, reading late into the night.  We have poured over maps and pictures trying to be able to picture his travels and our future a little more.  St. Andrews is a small town located in the Kingdom of Fife.  The Kingdom of Fife is located between the Firth of Tay and the Firth of Fourth.  (Try saying that three times fast.)  A Firth is what we call an estuary.  The University of St. Andrews was established in 1413 and is the third oldest University in the English speaking world.  University students make up one third of St. Andrews population.  The oldest golf course is in St. Andrews.  Golf is actually a really big deal, with seven courses in all.  There are two beaches.  The West Sands Beach is where the opening scene for Chariots of Fire was filmed.  There is even ruin of a castle to explore.  Tentsmuir Forest and shore, part of the National Reserve, has a huge towering pines and the beach holds a large population of grey seals.  Scotland has 40% of the worlds grey seals population.  And that is just what we have discovered this week!  We have learned so much of where Jeff's feet and eyes have now been.  Please continue to pray with us as we move forward.  I am sure once bags are upstairs and laundry is humming,  once the boys are tucked in, we will get to talk and pray, to begin to plan the next parts to this journey.  We will continue to update as we do.
     One more thing we are celebrating here this week is Ian learning to draw hearts and write his name.  It as if suddenly the magic of letter shapes and sounds make sense.  But more than his name, yoda, cat, mom, he has been writing DAD with hearts over and over.

Learning to dance in the rain

      With full understanding that many of you reading this will worry about me, I want to share one of my New Year's resolutions.  All my resolutions tend to address the current things I am being wimpy about and then chart out how I will be less wimpy about those things. 
     
     This particular resolution stated that I will stop wining about rainy days.  Yes, a trite and silly resolution to most, but for me this will be a game changer.  To understand this resolution you must first understand my complete need for outdoor time.  Everyday.  More than once a day.  It sounds childish, I know.  I don't know why it has such a priority in my mind and heart.  I am almost certain my best memories involve the outdoors.  I am convinced that the boys fight less and explore more. We all breath deeper and think clearer while leaves are under our feet and branches hang above our heads. 

    When I am standing in our woods I feel small.  The oaks and pines tower above us, surrounding us on all sides.  It as if outside I am able to realize my smallness next to God's vastness.  His greatness is so much more evident.  His creation so much more awe inspiring then conquering the laundry or crock pot.  I am in His world and not my own.  And I love every bit of it...if the sun is shining, the wind is mild, and the temperature stays above 65 degrees. 

   Ah, you say, there lies the wimpy, conditional, "if" statement.  No kidding, full days and parts of vacations have been mourned if it rains and the temperature drops.  Jeff teases and then worries that weather can have such an effect on me.  We all worried when we read about Scotland's weather. The weather was mentioned as much or more than the castles dotting their beautiful land.  I read and reread that 25% of the days hold sun, only 25%.  I goggled the sunniest parts of Scotland and warmest temperature months recorded.  I then concluded that my silly resolution was not that silly.  And so began one of the best decisions of the year, all sixteen days of it.  To embrace the day outside, no matter the weather.  To hike, breathe, and explore in rain, snow, and wind.  

     The first time I told the boys it was woods time with rain drops still sliding down the windows they stared at me in shock.  "But it is raining!  You despise rain."  Not any more, I replied, this is perfect Scottish weather.  We gathered raincoats and boots and set out, the crunch of leaves muffled by the rain.   
  And we had a blast.  It might have been one of our best hikes yet.  We followed the winding creek further than we ever had before.  And a full hour later as we peeled off wet coats and muddy boots we were already planing the next days hike regardless of the weather.  Now, when rain pounds the ground or the skies mix into a wash of grey I tell the boys, look at this beautiful Scottish weather instead bemoaning the absence of the sun.  Maybe by Spring I will start to look forward to the rainy days as much as the sunny ones.  

    Jeff leaves for Scotland in less than two weeks!  We are still waiting on a revised budget and are excited to see what is next in this wild adventure.  The boys are thrilled about kilts, broad swords, Castles, and trains.  Please continue to pray that we will move forward in confidence and humility.  Pray for important connections for Jeff while he is there and belly laughing and skype time for the boys and I.  We will keep updating as we move forward.  

"For the Lord is the great God, the great King above all gods.  In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him.  The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land."  Psalm 95:3-5